Compassion and Action: Therapy and Social Change
Today, I’ll be marching with my husband, daughter, and friends in San Francisco in honor of Martin Luther King Day. Next week, our little family will be marching in the second Women’s March. The theme for this year’s MKL Day march is “The Urgency of Now,” echoing Dr. King’s words: “We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. This is no time for apathy or complacency. This is a time for vigorous and positive action.” I don’t think anyone’s going to argue with the idea that these words apply just as much in 2018 as they did in 1963. No matter where you reside on the political spectrum, we can all agree that we each have a personal responsibility to find ways to build a compassionate, just society. I often ponder the role of therapy in supporting, bolstering or perhaps quashing that personal responsibility.I offer these thoughts as a personal “work in progress”- I suspect my understanding of how therapy interfaces with social change will evolve throughout my career.
Focusing on the Self
I hesitated to write this article, at first. While I strongly believe that each of us has a personal responsibility to make a positive impact on the world, so many of us have had our lives already defined by a sense of duty or service. Therapy is, for some, the first place where wanting to take care of oneself solely for one’s own enjoyment is allowed and even celebrated. This is so deeply important to the work of therapy.It becomes even more important when you are part of a marginalized group. When your well-being, safety, or livelihood is under physical or political attack, self-care is a way to strike back. Audre Lorde wrote, for Black women: Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare. (1988, A Burst of Light) In 2018, we’re finally beginning to acknowledge the effects of gaslighting, toxic masculinity, rape culture, and institutional racism (among other social problems!) on mental health both on an individual and national level. Unpacking that, even one-on-one with your therapist, is a small drop in a crucial sea change. Allowing yourself to feel strong, smart, capable, safe, sexy, and deserving of pleasure when any number of experiences have threatened to take that away is gorgeous.
The Ripple Effect
It sounds trite, but it’s true- when we give ourselves permission show up and take care of ourselves, others around us often feel drawn to do the same. When a woman recovers from poor body image and sees herself in terms of her abilities and power, she may subtly remind her friends or family that the dominant discussion between and about women does not have to be about weight and appearance, without even intending to! Taking care of our mental health helps us treat others better, too. When a client discovers and masters a trauma trigger, they are more able to act with thoughtfulness and care. When another person feels safe feeling uncomfortable feelings, they make room for other feelings, like compassion, empathy, and hope. Those feelings are then available to help guide their decisions.
Action as Therapeutic
So much of “feeling better” is identifying how much of our lives we can control or influence, and how much we don’t. And yes, when you read the news, it can be overwhelming just how many fucked-up things are happening and how little control you have over it. However, we all have a voice, and for many clients, finding appropriate ways to raise their voices where they see injustice has been therapeutic. When you realize that your congresspeople are just a phone call (or fax, or text) away, it can start to chip away at that overwhelm. Some clients have gone to protests and found themselves feeling part of an empowered community. I don’t want to sugar-coat this one: activism can be frustrating and sometimes dangerous. It’s annoying to call your Senator and just get a busy line, or the feeling that nobody is going to listen to you. When clients go to protests, I often recommend they look up the organizer’s safety plans and come up with their personal safety plans as well. It’s a risk- but for many, it’s a risk worth taking.
Therapy Supporting Action
Good therapy should empower people to improve not just their own lives, but those of their family and community. In my heart, I hold that we are all interconnected, and that the inner work we do as individuals has powerful consequences in our communities. Compassion is a fairly vulnerable emotion for some people; in situations where feeling anything may be overwhelming or unsafe, it can be easy to “turn off.” Therapy creates a context of safety, both in the office and inner world, where such emotions can be explored. I see the compassion unblocked from therapy spurring action. It does not need to be “protest” in the traditional sense of the word. It does mean that you gradually become aware of the imperative to make choices that benefit others in your personal and professional life.
Call to Action
Take a deep breath, and notice the feelings and thoughts this article has stirred for you. Are you feeling frustrated? Compelled to do something? What actions need to be taken right now?