A Post-Holidays Refresh Practice
This year's holidays weren't the amazing, wholesome winter majesty you were expecting? Make a nice cup of tea and get cozy and warm, because I've got a mindfulness practice that will help clear out the gunk.
Make a note of what didn’t go your way
Yep, we’re going negative first. Trying to push disappointment, hurt, or anger out of your head almost never works. You can write it down or name it to a friend or therapist. This holiday, what events, comments, or relationships left you with the following?
Disappointment
Anger
Sadness
Fear
Shame
Confusion
The idea here is to just accept everything as it is. Sure, nobody likes feeling disappointed, but just noting the feeling as nonjudmentally as possible will help keep it from inflating into something huge.
Find the feelings
Pick one of those feelings to work with. If you don’t have very many, you might want to go right for the biggest, juiciest feelings. If you have a lot- if your holiday season or even your whole year was really tumultuous- you may want to work with a “medium sized” feeling first. Whatever it is, really welcome it in. Let it be part of your world for a few minutes. If it was somewhere in your body, where might you feel it? I’ve linked (here) to some “heat maps” of emotions to give you a starting point, but I’d encourage you to pay attention to your own unique experience. If shame is showing up in your right little toe, so be it.
Ride the waves
No feeling lasts forever. In my practice, I encourage clients to welcome whatever emotion is coming up for them, but not to cling to it or dwell in it. Like breaths, houseplants, or news stories, all feelings are going to have a beginning, middle, and end. If you’re tuned into the feeling in your body, it might be a little easier to feel that “feeling life cycle.” Most stuff, even really gnarly stuff, will dissipate after a few minutes of careful attention.
Write down any action steps
Please note that we’re taking action AFTER working through the feelings. In my book, this is totally different from the action we might take to avoid feeling something uncomfortable. But once you’ve really sat with the emotion, what might be your “next right action”? Not all feelings will bring you to one, but some might, so be ready to add something to the to-do list. It might be a conversation, a note to remember for later, or just a new approach for next year.
Repeat the steps with positive feelings
Now that we’ve cleared some of the yucky stuff, it’s important to follow a similar process for warm, fuzzy feelings! Don’t worry, they won’t go away- we’ll just give them lots of attention too. What events, relationships, comments, or thoughts this holiday season brought you the following?
Joy
Pride
A sense of connection
Peace
Curiosity
Then follow the same process: find the feelings in your body, ride the waves of experience, and note any to-dos.
Itty bitty disclaimer:
The process I’ve described here is intended for a wide range of feelings, but if you’re finding yourself with really big ones that are getting in the way of your daily life, see a therapist ASAP. If the feelings are making you want to hurt yourself or someone else, call a crisis hotline
In San Francisco: (415) 781-0500
In the rest of the US: 800-273-TALK
As always, reading this blog does not establish a therapist-client relationship and the information provided here is for informational purposes only. If you do want to become a client, the first step is to get in touch with me here. Together, we might tweak this practice for your individual needs.