You Don’t Have to get an “A” in Therapy
Photo by Jaeyoung Geoffrey Kang on Unsplash
It's estimated that something like 30% of the population suffers from perfectionism. And I'm guessing that the prevalence of perfectionism in therapy users is a little higher. In my estimate, that's both because perfectionism tends to make us miserable, and also that perfectionism sometimes drives our interest in self-growth.
And to a certain extent, that's great! "Normal" perfectionism doesn't cause intense suffering (just, ya know, a little misery) but it does drive high achievement. And I really want to congratulate each and every person who chooses to engage in self-reflection- I truly believe the right amount of it can change the world.
But if you're a perfectionist in any form, I want therapy to be the laboratory in which you shoot for... *take a deep breath* - a B average.
I'm obviously being a little facetious here- I am definitely not going to issue any grades! But therapy can be a place where you let go of that expectation of yourself just a tiny bit. What if you were to allow yourself to:
not know exactly what to talk about when the session starts up
not be super clear about what it is you are feeling or experiencing
not give the "right" answer to absolutely any question your therapist asks?
What would have to happen for you to do that? And what opportunities might that open up? You might find yourself:
being curious about things you're not an expert in
exploring new ways of thinking about yourself, your experiences, and your life
letting your therapist, and perhaps others, have whatever feelings they are going to have about your own truth once you discover it
While therapy is often about celebrating the things you do well in life, it's not intended for you to except at. It's in the messy, confusing, and unknown territory where you are able to grow and thrive, and therapy is a great place to explore that territory.
